Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


If only I saw
If only I knew
The evil that was
Inside of you

If only I could
Turn back the clocks
If only you loved me
The way that you should

If only
I could get over you
I wouldnt be like this
I wouldnt be so blue

If I only  knew
:icontheyaoimilkshakeaven:

Author's Comments

a sad story of love

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsabianmoogle:
Nice poem, but may i suggest that you may consider putting in 'you' instead of 'u'

--
Dano: What developes in a human ovary?
Syd: EGG!!
Dano: What type of egg?
Syd: TAPEWORM!!!
Dano: What?! How would that get there?!
Syd: Bad digestive system!
Dano: THEY'RE NOT EVEN CONNECTED!!!
Syd: REALLY bad digestive system!
Dano: X_X
:iconthewaifencer:
Fear me for I am the ALL-AROUND-WRITER'S NAZI AND YOU HAVE SAID THAT ADVANCED CRITIQUE IS ENCOURAGED.

Again. The vocabulary is very basic. o.o

I suggest getting out a thesaurus. A big one.

Capitalization. That's a big one too.

Also. It only takes half a second to type 'you' and 'be'. Don't be lazy, ya dork. XD

You write the same things over and over. Lovesick poetry about how you're so morose about not having someone reciprocate their love for you. x.x What ever happened to the limericks I told you to write? You know...the HAPPY GO LUCKY things?

--
Big Brother sees everything! But can he see why kids LOVE the cinnamony sweet taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
:icontheyaoimilkshakeaven:
oh mo
i write lovesick poetry due 2 thats when i am motivated
:iconsabianmoogle:
No problem.

--
Dano: What developes in a human ovary?
Syd: EGG!!
Dano: What type of egg?
Syd: TAPEWORM!!!
Dano: What?! How would that get there?!
Syd: Bad digestive system!
Dano: THEY'RE NOT EVEN CONNECTED!!!
Syd: REALLY bad digestive system!
Dano: X_X
:iconpinkie129:
Chels thats a good poem :)
:icondarkdelusion:
I would hope its not a true one, for that is sorrowful if it is. Though with each burn from love's flame, do we learn and grow stronger... I like the movement of this piece, the staggered lines that give a sense of the struggling that is taking place.

--
[DD]
"I'm not antisocial, I just hate you"

Details

January 19, 2005
433 bytes

Statistics

11
1 [who?]
88 (0 today)
10 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map